Saying no

Tuesday, February 09, 2016

Quiet countryside in winter
Saying no.
This is a post that I've mulled over but not written for a while. Perhaps if you're uncomfortable with a somewhat negative way of looking at things then this may not be a post for you to persevere with.
I'm the first to admit that I have a particularly difficult nature when it comes to most things. I'm not a socialiser and do not yearn to hang out with people. If I go down the pub I get really annoyed if it's not quiet or if we have to talk to anyone. I'm happy enough to say 'good morning' and I've usually got a response to how are you/lovely weather today but that's all it is really; I certainly do not need an in-depth analysis of the day's news or to hear a life story. It's pretty rare that I find people I connect with and want to keep in touch with but believe it or not I've been lucky enough to find a few proper friends through this blog and I am so, so grateful.
However, that doesn't mean that my character peculiarities automatically evaporate. Actually meeting up with friends is still a big thing for me. Quite honestly I find socialising physically exhausting (considering I'm of reasonable fitness) and usually I have to sleep it off for a while afterwards. Apparently it's a trait of introverts to be drained of energy through mixing with others and I can fully endorse this theory.
So, back to the title... there have been some invitations over the last year or so crop up i my inbox that I may well have accepted in the past. Now, I usually decline. While others reap the benefits of venturing out of their comfort zone by meeting new people, travelling to new places and trying new skills I can only conclude that this is not the case across the board. I have not felt better afterwards, just drained and relieved it's over, which is not exactly worthwhile. After a year or so of trying....and feeling miserable I've been taking a more practical approach which is to politely decline. Instead of dwelling on whether I've just shot myself in the foot with a brand, or missed out on making valuable PR and blogger connections, I just forget about it and move on. My simple lifestyle of trying to look after myself, get my fitness back up, walking out in the countryside, photography and writing is where I belong. In my own world, not in the big smoke of the capital, nor a cocktail party in the city, nor mingling with z-list 'celebrities' or going to beauty workshops (I'd get thrown out on account of my eyebrows).
Writing and photography is a wonderful way for me to share my life with both everyone and no-one simultaneously and for that I will always be grateful. I've found my way.

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  1. It's hard to say no, we should probably all find a way to say it more often. It's good that you've found the courage to say no because it's not easy. Friends will understand and no on else matters much.
    Finding your place in life is something some people go their whole lives without finding, but it's so important to do so, to recognise who you are are what you want. We're told that saying 'no' is impolite, that we should push ourselves out of our comfort zones but if in doing these things leads to unhappiness what's the point?
    much love xx

  2. I can totally relate to this. In recent times, I've felt much more reluctant to do things unless I really want to do them. I'm not fond of nights out for birthdays unless it involves swing dancing as I find it exhausting otherwise feeling the anxiety of conversation. I find I try far too hard to make conversation and come across well and then end up agonizing over what am idiot I sound and how many stupid things I said to avoid being dull.x

  3. Having read the above comments, I'm not sure there is anything more I can add. I find I empathise with the comments and Sophie's piece, so absolutely, it's uncanny. Although I do enjoy an evening out with some select friends, I do have to steal myself to go, fortunately enjoying the evening enough to be happy to go again. I find one or two close friends is sufficient, and, together with my husband and family, am completely happy in my small but rather exclusive circle. If I go out for a walk or bike ride, I hope to not meet anyone, as I feel it's a violation of my space and enjoyment. Antisocial? Maybe. Happy in my own company? Definitely X

  4. I think you're doing it the way you were always meant to. Sophie, I'm an introvert also, fuelled with passion (too much of it), but I can relate to every single world of this. I don't just think, I know you are my soul sister x x x


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